Bag lady you gone miss your bus
You can’t hurry up
Cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin
Niggas take off runnin
From you it’s true oh yes they do
When discussing issues as sensitive as relationships within the African-American community, I realize that statements from self-centered narcissistic sisters such as ‘why can’t black men measure up to our demands’ are pivotal moments. Mr. Harvey realized as much and masterfully cut through the shibboleth and placed the onus for their not being able to find a man right where it belonged, at the feet of these particular, not every, professional black woman.
Harvey asked a simple, yet revealing query to the women who ranged in age from mid-thirties through their forties; ‘what type of man are you looking for?’ It was at this moment that these formally educated, yet hopelessly silly, women began to lay out their prerequisites for a mate. One sister quipped, “He must be at least 6”5”, earn at least six figures, and have nice shoes.” All of the women giggled and laughed as if they were school girls sharing an inside joke. Another sister interjected that in addition to that she needed him to “dance well, dress well, and have the right professional job.”
As if things could not get any more ridiculous, the craziest of the crew chimed in with fifty characteristic/qualities/material items that her future husband needed possess prior to their meeting. To her credit she remained consistent in her ridiculous statements by relating a staunch mule-like resistance to budging on her demands; because, as she poignantly put it, ‘she deserved such a man’. And just when I thought that things could not get any worse, another “highly-educated” professional sister related her demand for the man that was “fortunate” enough to be chosen by her, he must bring her to orgasm by penetration and orally on a nightly basis.
A stunned, yet still quick-witted, Steve Harvey immediately retorted, “Are you willing to do the same?” Faced with Harvey’s question, she, and the others, ceased their girlish laughter and simply stared forward as if he had boorishly insulted them with such an inquiry.
Their collective silence was revealing as it signaled what I already knew, that they were too busy creating these extravagant lists to reflect upon what it was they were offering this man they claimed to desire. Although the women on this show would consider the suggestion sacrilegious, maybe, just maybe, they are the one’s who are failing to measure up to the expectations of African-American men. Such a possibility never crosses the minds of self-centered narcissistic professional sisters who have arrogantly operated as if they were not only the epitome of womanhood, but also cursed by the God’s to be desired by every man walking on the earth. They fail to consider that maybe quality Black men, meaning those that they enviously see their “less accomplished” sisters married to, not to mention the seething disdain and covetousness that arises from the depths of their souls if the woman is of another race, are less interested in their material acquisitions, graduate school degrees, money, car, and professional status and more interested in how their lives could intertwine.
At the risk of shattering the fragile egos of self-centered narcissistic well-educated haughty professional Black women, I must relate a truism spoken by the Rev. Dr. Johnny R. Heckard; “education has never done anything for the heart.” And for Black men seeking to forge a productive and happy union with a Black woman, the arrogance and overbearing nature that many, certainly not all, professional African-American women display causes them to avoid such sisters like the plague. Such women fail to understand that eligible, meaning marriageable, African-American men could care less about your college degree, professional career, or car. Considering the disruption that we all as adults realize can flow from a bad relationship, we are more concerned with who you are, not what you have.
There is a popular saying that self-centered narcissistic professional black women should honor that says, ‘if you do what you always did, you gon’ get what you always got.’ I say that as suggestion to them that maybe, just maybe, they may want to consider significantly altering the package that they are offering Black men; obviously, the current one is neither enticing nor desired by good brothers. However, this re-packaging has absolutely nothing to do with a new dress, a shorter skirt, red bottom shoes, Gucci, Prada, or some other inane European designer’s clothing or fragrance. Rather, this alteration begins with significant internal reflection and a bit of honesty.
Pertinent questions that every highly-educated, fine, professional, and gorgeous sister needs to ask herself are: Are you happy with yourself? Are you overbearing and therefore in need of relaxing a bit? Are you emanating female welcoming energy or masculine domineering energy when meeting/dating men? Who are you once all of the education, professional success, and material accruements are stripped away? Do you have the ability to live in the NOW?
I have lived long enough to realize that many professional sisters are executing a charade that is aimed at convincing others, sometimes even themselves, of their desire to have a relationship or traditional family. I refer to this as a charade for self-centered narcissistic professional black women because its genesis is not from within them, rather the result of societal pressures and familial expectations. If you are involved in the aforementioned charade, do everyone a favor, most importantly yourself, and drop it; you do not have to get married. Embrace your life and keep doing you.
For those of you who actually are seeking a relationship with a marriageable Black man, do yourself a favor, drop the ridiculous lists, get naked, go and stand in front of the mirror and realize that the man who you ultimately end up with, albeit fortunate and lucky, is not getting everything that he desired by joining in a union with you. Just deal with the reality that you “ain’t all that”. Truthfully, none of us are.
Dr. James Thomas Jones III