I have spent decades on collegiate campuses, first as a student and now as a Professor, and there is one thing that I am certain of, at a time when it is common to hear black women assert that “there are no good men out here,” I have personally witnessed sisters by-pass droves of marriageable, monogamous, and gainfully employed ‘good’ African-American men for the silliest of reasons: style of dress, height, ‘the cool factor’, not being a bad boy, or simply liking them too much, the latter group are called thirsty by many black women who are turned off by the alluded to individuals expression of interest in them. I guess that such sisters adhere to the old Groucho Marx statement of “I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member.”
At such women, I simply shake my head because I know what the future holds for them, either heartbreak from a man that displays in myriad ways that he is not really interested in her by hanging out with the boys, a common excuse to create space to pursue women who are not really that interested in him. Experience has taught me that there is something broken within such people. Unfortunately for many sisters, there is something, it could be replicating the mistakes that they have seen women in their family make that not only drives them into the arms of such
Unfortunately for many sisters, there is something seductive/erotic about men who have no real interest in them. To make this sad tale even more ridiculous, I have met many black women who have the nerve to be dismayed when a man that they summarily dismissed from their presence has found happiness with another.
A phrase surrounding this matter has actually become my “pet peeve.” The phrase that I allude to is one that is commonly heard from black women today, the phrase is “I am waiting for my Barack.”
Now this is not an attack on President Barack Hussein Obama, rather this post is aimed at ALL of the wannabe Michelle Obama’s.
Let me definitively state without any equivocation to those that fit this bill, “YOU ARE NOT MICHELLE OBAMA!!!!!!” There I said it and it needed to be said!!!!!!
This uncanny obsession of so many African-American women have offers an opening to discuss their tendency to take sole credit for any positive accomplishment their man achieves. When success is bountiful and adulations are being handed out, Black women gleefully stand under a banner that reads, “behind every good man is a good woman”.
Many black women fervently believe that Michelle Obama is responsible for all of Barack’s achievements. Put simply, Michelle is responsible for Barack’s existence. It is Michelle who beat back the Conservative hordes attempts to tear down the first family. Now there is no doubt that Michelle Obama has encouraged, prodded, challenged, and supported Barack Hussein Obama as he soared to heights and reached landings that he could have never attained without her aid; a process that I am certain the first couple would relate began well before Barack secured his first political office.
In actuality, I believe that many black women would have dismissed Barack the moment he showed any romantic interest from his lowly perch as a summer associate at the law firm Sidley Austin. Barack’s “thirst” would have been only one of a host of reasons that they turned the young paramour away. Fortunately for Barack, Michelle L. Robinson was looking for brains over brawn.
Amazingly, a few overzealous sisters have taken their view of this matter to an absurd level of insinuating that “Michelle made Barack.” At these assertions, I merely smile because these women most certainly do not understand what they are saying about themselves and their selection of ‘sorry’ African-American men that they passed over many “good brothers” to secure.
Many African-American women have failed to see the trap that they create for themselves with statements such as “I am waiting on my Barack” and “Michelle made Barack.” Their absurd assertion that if they could find a Barack then all of their relationship issues would dissipate is foolhardy at best as their logic is oversimplified, convoluted and muddled. I routinely giggle inside at the droves of women who speak these words, for they know not what they are saying.
Most of the African-American women I have discussed this issue with refute my assertion that if it is true that “behind every good man there is a good woman”; well, then the opposite, “behind every no good man is a no good woman” must be just as valid. And considering the current state of the African-American community and Black men, there must be legions of ‘no good women’ in our midst. So I caution my sisters against haphazardly using such phraseology, because it may very well return to ‘bite you in your pronounced butt.’
For the record, I neither believe that the failings of African-American men are directly attributable to ‘no good’ African-American women, nor do I believe that Black men’s success can be totally attributable to some nameless good woman lurking in the shadow.
It may be time for our community to back away from such simplistic thinking and try supporting one another with all of our might, regardless of who receives the credit. I am certain that if you were to ask First Lady Michelle Obama, she would relate that she and the President are a team and they share their victories and defeats as partners. Although I have never met President Obama, I am certain that he would take great issue with the assertion that Michelle has been behind him at all times, he would most likely prefer for us to state that she has been by his side, just as he has been by her side through their entire journey.
James Thomas Jones III
© Manhood Race and Culture 2015