After decades of data collection and intensive research conducted at leading institutions around the globe, I am proud to announce that The New Millennium Cultural Cleanser 2000 is now available. This exciting new invention has been specially designed and formulated to handle the insanity and idiocy of black people across the nation.
Leading scientist from around the globe were commissioned to solve a problem that has eluded the world’s greatest intellectuals, scientists, economists, historians, and social scientists for at least a century. The problem is succinctly summed up with the following questions; “Why have blacks seemingly been stuck at the bottom of every socioeconomic measure since the end of slavery? Why has their poverty been not only multi-generational but also permanent?”
After decades of research, our cadre of scientists has not only been able to address this quandary, but also provide a solution that promises to free blacks from an impoverished existence.
We call this new and exciting invention, The New Millennium Cultural Cleanser 2000 and we promise that it will efficiently “Wipe all of that mess away.”
As previously mentioned, the science behind The New Millennium Cultural Cleanser 2000 results from decades of research dedicated to the actions, behaviors, thoughts, priorities, and cultural values under girding the inefficiency of blacks.
Our painstaking research indicates that since their integration with white America, the vast majority of blacks have experienced a spike in irrational thought and self-destructive behavior that increased as the twentieth-century progressed.
The research discovered that during the last twenty years of the 20th Century, blacks had turned upon each other and began killing their kind for no logical reason.
Making matters exponentially worse were the proliferation of single-parent households and a new commitment found among black males and females to devalue one another in sneaky ways that even our most thorough research finds unprecedented among African-Americans. Put simply, the gender battles occurring among blacks are a verifiable anomaly as no such behavior ever existed among that people since they arrived on the North American continent.
The world will eventually applaud our team of scientists for not only explaining why black poverty has been multi-generational but also for providing a solution that comes in pill form to ameliorate the centuries-old matter. According to the scientists behind The New Millennium Cultural Cleanser 2000, in addition to discrimination and racism in American employment and financial sectors, it is social dysfunction that is the leading factor in explaining African-American marginality.
Now I am confident that you are wondering if you or those in your life could benefit from The New Millennium Cultural Cleanser 2000. The answer to this question is determined by what affect does cultural foolishness has upon your life. Put simply, is social dysfunction precluding you from entering adulthood and advancing in your professional life? The answer to this question is found by answering the following questions.
- Do you know who Porsha Williams is but not Marcus Garvey?
- Is mumble rap appealing to you?
- Do you consider clapping your hands as you speak a preferred method of making a verbal point versus logic?
- Have you failed to read an entire book during your adult life?
- Is Facebook your primary news source?
- Do you believe that the Trans-Atlantic slave trade never occurred?
- Do you hate jazz music?
- When you hear your favorite song do you find it impossible not to dance?
- Are you so loud that others can hear your thoughts?
- Do you know who Omar Tyree and Eric Jerome Dickey are but have no idea who Octavia Butler or James Baldwin is?
- Did you prefer “O-Dog” the character that Larenz Tate played in Menace to Society over “Darius” the character he played in Love Jones?
If you answered affirmatively, that means yes for the less educated, to even one of the above questions; you are in desperate need of The New Millennium Cultural Cleanser 2000.
The specially crafted formula found in The New Millennium Cultural Cleanser 2000 promises to immediately accomplish the following:
- It will help you end your unquenchable thirst for reality television.
- Help you make crucial decisions such as whether you should either pay your rent or go to the club.
- Aid you in prioritizing your life. No longer will you consider it a difficult decision if you should either spend time with your children or drop them off at your mother’s to spend time ‘in the streets.’
- It will aid you in ceasing your regular pattern of lateness to the job, class, dinner, church, and any other place where time is a consideration.
- Aid you in developing the necessary stamina and focus on reading a book from cover to cover.
- Immediately infuse logic into your worldview and thereby help you realize that neither the “Puerto Rican Princess” or Stevie J are suitable role models.
- Will aid you in developing fiscal responsibility and long-term plans regarding the lives of you and your offspring.
So, if you or someone that you either love or care about has any of the previously discussed issues or desires help in the areas listed above, please purchase The New Millennium Cultural Cleanser 2000 because it will most certainly “wipe all of that mess away.”
Dr. James Thomas Jones III