Tag Archives: Black Marriage

Is the High-Earning Millennial Black Male Invisible to their Female Counterparts?

A convincing argument could be made that Ralph Ellison’s The Invisible Man is the greatest novel ever written.

I must tell you that Ellison’s unnamed protagonist is “invisible” throughout the entire book for those who have never read this timeless text. Now I do not want you to get the impression that he is see-through as lacking a body; his invisibility results from those around him not being able to see. Everyone he encounters “sees only my surroundings, themselves, or figments of their imagination.”

Ellison’s Invisible Man is no different from millions of Black male millennials living without anyone, especially their Black female counterparts, ever seeing them.

While those on the Right engage in public political propaganda about Critical Race Theory, millennial Black men are facing an unexpected opponent. Young Black men between the ages of 25 – 40 have been rendered invisible. Nearly eighty years after Ellison’s brilliant construct, millennial Black men fit perfectly into it.

If nothing else, the familiar cries of Black women regarding the absence of suitable Black suitors are convincing, particularly to those who have never reviewed relevant data. The “Amen corner” that so eagerly joins into any discussion that culminates with the denigration of Black men has never needed any data to condemn their targets. The evidence base is purely anecdotal evidence provided by a segment of bitter mothers, aunts, sisters, cousins, and friends that serves no purpose other than convincing Black millennial women that there are no suitable marriage-minded Black males. This recycled allegation has reached urban legend status.

The primary problem with the unceasing denigration of millennial Black men is that there is not a shred of evidence supporting the allegations. When one focuses on the plight of educated Black women categorized as millennials, by far the loudest town criers regarding this matter, an interesting portrait arises. If considered seriously, the existing data would mute what has become standard verse for far too many, certainly not all, educated Black women making over $50,000. According to PUMS (2019), when one focuses on higher-income Black millennials, many Black men above the $50,000 income level as their female counterparts. It appears that millennial Black women have inherited a familiar dodge that they cannot find someone who is “equally-yoked” (financially) to build a life with from previous generations of embittered Black women.

When faced with such facts, one can only wonder what excuse millennial Black women who have dominated public conversations will use to explain their difficulty finding an equally-yoked, gainfully employed Black male.

The above information should spotlight what appears to be hopelessly single millennial Black women making over $50,000. If provided the opportunity, I would ask these Black women the following questions.

  • Do you think that your single status is due to Black men deciding that you are not marriage material?
  • Where did you get the idea that there were no equally-yoked marriageable Black men?
  • Have you ever considered that the pessimism that so many millennial women wear as a badge of honor actually an allergen to the gainfully employed equally-yoked Black men that you claim to desire?

Although painful to admit, it appears that yet another generation of Black women has been socialized to be doubting Thomas’ regarding Black suitors. Unfortunately, so many of these women have allowed the experiences of their disenchanted predecessors to be pressed atop their own.

Unfortunately for millennial Black men, it appears that Ralph Ellison’s construct shockingly applies to them. Although frightening to consider, one has to wonder if there is anything that Black men could or should do to break through the glacier-like ice that encases the hearts of so many of their female counterparts?

All of this makes one wonder if the fact that only 25% of Black women will ever marry leads them to abandon the present course that appears to be inspired by the experiences of a group of disenchanted embittered Black women instead of a numerically superior group of Black women who managed to remain married to Black men for decades.

James Thomas Jones III, Ph.D.

©Manhood, Race, and Culture, 2021

#ManhoodRaceCulture  

The Pursuit of a Suitable Wife: The Black Man’s Burden (The Aftermath of an MRCi Event)

This an open invitation for you to join us tonight (January 7, 2021) at 7:30 EST / 6:30 CST for what promises to be a vibrant and intellectually stimulating discussion as we kick off our initial 2021 session of Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive.

Click HERE to gain access to the discussion.

During last week’s Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive (MRCi), I learned something about myself. I may have a blind spot in regards to my analysis of the path to a successful relationship. Of course, this revelation was pointed out to me by Black women fighting against Jawanza Kunjufu’s assertion that marriage-minded Black men raised in two-parent households should avoid Black women who were reared in single-parent female-headed households.

Although the men present during the MRCi event agreed with the above assertion and offered personal experience to bolster Kunjufu’s statement, their voices were drowned out by Black women who challenged all reasoning and explanations. Of course, the majority of the women present were products of single female-headed households. This explains why their skepticism rapidly ascended into a rage. Possibly the most powerful rebuttal to Kunjufu was the following quip.

I hate to hear this type of thinking because in the end, no one, not a single one of us, picks their parents. You didn’t pick yours, and I did not select mine.

Although there is much truth found in the above assertion, it does little to combat the reality that many of the men present pushed-back against the idea that there are no differences in the outlook and decision-making of those that Kunjufu termed “daddy-less little girls” and their counterparts raised in healthy and stable two-parent homes.

This matter is a frequent closed-door topic among marriage-minded Black men who believe that a strong family is a prerequisite to a strong Black nation. Untold conversations with marriage-minded Black men reveal that the vast majority have similar evaluation criteria when evaluating a woman’s wife status. What follows is a small portion of the things that many of these Black men seeking a Black woman to marry have shared with me.

  • Man, I don’t need that type of headache. If she has never seen her mother interact on the regular with a Black man in a healthy, committed relationship, I won’t even consider her an option.
  • Although the physical remains important to me, the type of home and family, she was raised in will cause me to walk away and never look back.
  • One of the first questions I ask an attractive sister is, “Tell me about your father.” If he wasn’t around, I am not going to be around. It is too much of a struggle to battle someone whose worldview and image of Black men is unhealthy because they have never seen the presence of a good Black man.
  • I’m just not going to hitch my wagon to a Black woman, regardless of how fine and accomplished she is, who does not understand a wife’s role. She has never seen one in her household, so she can’t be one.

It appears that just as many Black women have adapted to the rugged terrain known as the Black dating world, many accomplished Black bachelors have done the same and closed themselves off to a certain segment of Black females. Put simply, they no longer believe that they have the ability to be wife material.

In many ways, the angst expressed by so many Black females during last week’s MRCi session is understandable, yet, there indignation that challenges the rights of marriage-minded Black men to sidestep a segment of Black America is both emotions filled and wrongheaded. Observation and participation are the guideposts leading the decision-making processes of so many Black men at the present moment. The alluded to Black men are merely reacting to terrain that began well before they were conceived.

As with so many other issues afflicting Black men and Black women’s dynamics, there is no definitive answer to this issue. One thing is for certain, somewhere along the way, it became acceptable among a segment of our populace for Black men not to be present to serve as a primary socializing agent in the lives of their children, boys, and girls. This development is serving as a primary determinant in the type of Black woman that marriage-minded Black men pursue. The consequences of this development impact us all. If you do not believe me, ask an accomplished marriage-minded Black man why he is not married with all of these single Black women around.

Black women, before you ask such a question, please brace yourself because what you are about to hear may be uncomfortable, yet, it is nevertheless the truth as he sees it.

This an open invitation for you to join us tonight (January 7, 2021) at 7:30 EST / 6:30 CST for what promises to be a vibrant and intellectually stimulating discussion as we kick off our initial 2021 session of Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive.

Click HERE to gain access to the discussion.

Dr. James Thomas Jones III

© Manhood, Race, and Culture, 2021.

 

WHAT ARE 3 QUALITIES BLACK MEN ARE LOOKING FOR WHEN SEARCHING FOR A BLACK WIFE

MRCi

Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive

Manhood, Race, and Culture Interactive is pleased to invite you to its initial event for 2021. This interactive discussion promises to be an exhilarating and enlightening discussion addressing the question of What are three qualities that Black Men are looking for in a Black wife. Tonight’s discussion (Thursday, January 7 @ 7:30 EST / 6:30 CST) will be led by esteemed filmmaker and intellectual Professor Carl Tone Jones. Please click HERE to gain entry.

Once again, the riveting ninety-minute discussion covering What are three qualities that Black Men are looking for in a Black wife is scheduled for Thursday, January 7th @ 7:30 EST / 6:30 CST.

Click this LINK to gain entry.