To be honest with you, baseless commentary by a segment of Black women about Black men puts me into a state of disbelief because I understand that their emotional accusations spewed toward Black men do not reflect Black men in America. I do my best to sidestep such discussions. I realized long ago that such opinions are anecdotal recitations lacking evidence. During a recent podcast, I was ensnared by such a discussion.

A rambling discussion eventually brought forth assertions that Black men were solely to blame for both the disintegration of the Black family and the resulting struggles of children raised in single female-headed households. Predictably, it was a female panelist who led this unproductive discussion that reduced to Black men being blamed for not being present due to their “weakness.”

The argument reminded me of Ralph Ellison’s The Invisible Man.

Ellison’s The Invisible Man, an unnamed protagonist, does not lack a physical body, yet he is invisible because those around him “see only my surroundings, themselves, or figments of their imagination.” Although physically present, Ellison’s protagonist is no different from millions of Black men who are physically present, yet never really seen for who they are.

I considered this all too common attack on Black men to be identical to what the invisible man expressed. The female panelist’s decision to consolidate the identities and experiences of Black men who for whatever reason do not awake under the same roof covering their children as “weak” displays an astounding ignorance of Black lives, regardless of gender. Although I understand that generalizations permit us to discuss things, they still must be grounded in truth. The attack on Black men mentioned above does not rest on a morsel of truth.

Of course, I protested this mischaracterization of Black men by highlighting a host of reasons explaining this social epidemic, such as the emotionally driven, usually illogical, decisions and antics of women who do not understand the Black family’s importance in creating a familial legacy that bolsters the next generation’s opportunities for success. Not even my assertion that factors such as American courts’ decision to side with women when it comes to custody of children, drug addiction, or the “last hired, first fired” economic quandary that so many Black men experience seemed to penetrate the wild assertions that denigrated Black men into being weak.

In the end, the accusations of a bitter segment of Black women regarding the absence of Black fathers in the home or their inability to be selected for marriage is an extreme simplification that says little about the Black men that they have rendered invisible yet speaks volumes about their unwillingness to take inventory of themselves and the lives they lead while projecting their views on nameless Black men. It appears that some Black women are looking back at their lives and realizing that they have failed to develop a life worth living. Put simply, they have somehow managed to miss the truly important things such as family and relationships that were tightly grasped by their ancestors. It seems that in their rush to blame Black men for self-acknowledged unfulfilling lonely lives, they have forgotten to take any accountability for the lives they lead.

The classic saying “if you do what you always did, you’re going to get what you always got” applies to so many, certainly not all, Black women. It may be time for these frustrated, angry, and irrational Black females to stop blaming Black men for their poor decision-making and inability to forge a lasting relationship with men of any Race; after all, when one looks at the marriage rates, no man of any Race has or ever will choose them and you can’t blame Black men for that!!!!!!

James Thomas Jones III, Ph.D.

©Manhood, Race, and Culture, 2023

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